  Dr. Zaius: (Narrating) I was asleep in my bed, when all of a sudden I was awoke with a start! There was a horrifying sound coming from below the floor boards...  Dr. Zaius: Ack! What! What is it? Who's there?  Alonzo Zombie: Moan...  Sillabub Zombie: Groan...  Deuternonomy Zombie: Hiccup!  Dr. Zaius: Who are you people? What do you want? Alonzo Zombie: We are the Zombies of Kucinich yet to Come!  Dr. Zaius: Ack! What the heck are you talking about?  Bustopher Jones Zombie: We are the Servants of the Great Kucinich!  Growltigger Zombie: Hallowed be the name of Kucinich!  The great Rumpus Zombie: The will of Kucinich must be done! Deuternonomy Zombie: Hiccup! Dr. Zaius: hmmm... How very nice for you. Um, do you think that maybe you could do that outside? I'm trying to get my beauty sleep.  Rum Tum Tugger Zombie: No, Dr. Zaius! You will bow down to Kucinich now! Dr. Zaius: I will do no such thing! I'm voting for Nancy Pelosi! Growltigger Zombie: Ha! Pelosi is not even running for president! Dr. Zaius: OK, I'm voting for Barak Obama! Bustopher Jones Zombie: No! He is for the war in Iraq!  Rumpleteazer Zombie: He is a corporate shill! Sillabub Zombie: He hates puppies! Deuternonomy Zombie: Hiccup! Dr. Zaius: What are you talking about? Barak Obama is indeed against the Iraq war, he is not a corporate shill, and he loves puppies! Alonzo Zombie: His middle name is Hussain!  Tweety Bird Zombie: He's too white! Dr. Zaius: Listen, it's been swell and everything, but I need to get back to sleep.  Tweety Bird Zombie: Mmm good! This brownie is made from the human flesh of the non-believers! Dr. Zaius: Holy crap! Do you mean you people eat human flesh? The great Rumpus Zombie: We only eat the flesh of the non-believers! Dr. Zaius: Ack! How do you feel about puppies? Wait, wait... come to think of it, I don't want to know.  Etcetera Zombie: Kucinich has the only practical solution to the healthcare question!  Dr. Zaius: *Hrumph.* Just because he said it does not mean that he can deliver it! Piecrust promises, easily made and easily broken. All of the candidates have interesting plans for Healthcare! Rumpleteazer Zombie: Kucinich does not need to share pie! Kucinich gets whole pie to himself! Deuternonomy Zombie: Hiccup! Dr. Zaius: Barak Obama had the most honest and practical answer to the question. He said that the "most important challenge is to build a political consensus around the need to solve this problem!" Growltigger Zombie: But the people already want a solution to the healthcare problem! This proves that Kucinich knows everything! Dr. Zaius: Just saying what people want is not nearly as important as building support in the house and senate to get the job done! Doing the job is more important than talking about it! Alonzo Zombie: You just don't understand because you are not sophisticated like us! Dr. Zaius: What do you mean? I'm sophisticated! I wear clean underwear and everything! Rum Tum Tugger Zombie: No! You have to show disdain for all Democrats that are not Kucinich!  Dr. Zaius: Now why the heck would I want to do something like that? Bustopher Jones Zombie: You wouldn't understand because you are not sophisticated like us! Dr. Zaius: Oh. Rumpleteazer Zombie: Give your brain to Kucinich and you can be sophisticated too! Deuternonomy Zombie: Hiccup! Dr. Zaius: Hey, wait a minute! I'm plenty sophis-ti-ma-cated! Growltigger Zombie: Kucinich is the sexiest man alive! Dr. Zaius: Are you kidding? He looks like a cross between Gilligan and Skelator! Rum Tum Tugger Zombie: Kucinich has a hot wife! Dr. Zaius: Who freaking cares about his child bride? I would not be voting for his wife! Growltigger Zombie: But you voted for Hilary Clinton's wife! Dr. Zaius: Yes, but Hilary's wife Bill was a really good president! Wait, that doesn't sound right... Deuternonomy Zombie: Hiccup! Rum Tum Tugger Zombie: Dennis Kucinich is a god among men! Dr. Zaius: Kucinich is not a god! You guys are just hero-worshipping a member of the House of Representatives! It's unseemly! The great Rumpus Zombie: (silence) ... Growltigger Zombie: (silence) ... Rumpleteazer Zombie: (silence) ... Deuternonomy Zombie: Hiccup! Rum Tum Tugger Zombie: HA HA! You're kidding, right? Rumpleteazer Zombie: HA HA! Right! The way you carry on about Nancy Pelosi! You totally worship her! Dr. Zaius: But... But... That's different! The great Rumpus Zombie: HA HA HA! Different how, exactly? You're a total hypocrite! Dr. Zaius: Oooooh! I know you are, but what am I? Etcetera Zombie: Kucinich will end the war in Iraq! Dr. Zaius: But we all want to end the war in Iraq! Even some of the Republicans want the United States to get out of Iraq! Rumpleteazer Zombie: No! Only Kucinich wants to end the war in Iraq! Everyone else is just pretending! The great Rumpus Zombie: That was not Dennis Kucinich's bill! War must be stopped only one way, the Kucinich Way! Dr. Zaius: but that's just stupid! Being a member of congress means that you have to work as a team, and put aside petty differences! Rumpleteazer Zombie: No! Congess must do it the Kucinich Way! Rum Tum Tugger Zombie: It's the Kucinich Way, or the highway! Dr. Zaius: Jeepers! You have to work as part of a team in congress! There is no "I" in team! The great Rumpus Zombie: There is no "I" in Kucinich either! Dr. Zaius: Yes there is! There are two of them! Sillabub Zombie: No! There is only one Kucinich! Dr. Zaius: But that's not what I meant... Growltigger Zombie: No! Kucinich will end the Iraq war with magic hyperbole! Deuternonomy Zombie: Yeah! Hiccup! Magic hyperbole! Etcetera Zombie: Kucinich will stop the war on terror! Rum Tum Tugger Zombie: Kucinich will create a Ministry of Peace! Dr. Zaius: How very Orwellian... Sillabub Zombie: Kucinich said, "let us look [...] deep into the hearts of those who wish us harm, and find that spark of recognition that connects us to a common humanity and from that draw a flicker of hope to enkindle the warm glow of peace."The great Rumpus Zombie: You see? Kucinich will peace them to death! Dr. Zaius: It sounds more like he wants to gum them to death... Deuternonomy Zombie: Hiccup!  Rozerem Abraham Lincoln: I think that Dennis Kucinich wants you to try Rozerem. Dr. Zaius: Oh, crap. Did you guys bring these idiots? I get enough drug company propoganda on television!  Rozerem Abraham Lincoln: You know, Sigmond Freud said that the symbolic nature of dreams are representations of the desires of the unconscious self.  Abraham Lincoln: Dreaming of a former president could have all kinds hidden meanings.  Rozerem Beaver: That's just silly! What possible hidden meaning could the drug companies find hidden in a semi-aquatic rodent?  Rozerem Deep Sea Diver: glub! Kucinich! Rum Tum Tugger Zombie: Kucinich makes me feel all warm and gooshy inside! The great Rumpus Zombie: Kucinich is your lord and master! Dr. Zaius: Listen bub, Kucinich is not my lord and master! Growltigger Zombie: You must bow down to Kucinich!  Zombies: KUCINICH!  Dr. Zaius: EEK! Etcetera Zombie: Kucinich is the Alpha and The Omega!  Dr. Zaius: Listen, you guys really have to go now. I'm expecting company. Bustopher Jones Zombie: Kucinich is a cosmic peace filled meatloaf that will blow your mind and shatter your soul! Zombies: KUCINICH! Dr. Zaius: HOLY CRAP! The great Rumpus Zombie: Kucinich is the second coming of Keanu Reeves in The Matrix! Dr. Zaius: Hey listen, you guys are really starting to freak me out, OK? Can we just tone it down to a dull roar? Rumpleteazer Zombie: Kucinich is the only reason for the existance of life on this planet! Deuternonomy Zombie: Hiccup! Dr. Zaius: Dude, if you hold your nose while you drink a glass of water, it might make those hiccups go away. Alonzo Zombie: No, no! You need to breathe into a paper bag or a small enclosed container. Sillabub Zombie: No, he needs to count backward from 100 while thinking about Ann Coulter. Rumpleteazer Zombie: No, he needs to drink a glass of water upside down while rubbing his stomach and tapping the top of his head. Deuternonomy Zombie: Hiccup! Etcetera Zombie: How can you drink a glass of water upside down? you would get the water all over your shirt! Growltigger Zombie: If Kucinich were here, he would know how to drink a glass of water upside down! Zombies: KUCINICH! Dr. Zaius: ACK! Rum Tum Tugger Zombie: (singing) Who can take a sunrise, and sprinkle it with dew? Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two... Zombies: KUCINICH!  Dr. Zaius: (narrating) Things were looking pretty bleak. When a bunch of zombies are breaking into song in your bedroom at three o'clock in the morning, you have to think fast... Rum Tum Tugger Zombie: (singing) Who can take a rainbow, Wrap it in a sigh? Soak it in the sun and make strawberry lemon pie... Zombies: KUCINICH! Dr. Zaius: (narrating) It was all starting to look like a bad Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. I mustered up all of my courage and said the magic words before they got a chance to get finish the next verse... Rum Tum Tugger Zombie: (singing) Who can take tomorrow, Dip it in a dream? Separate the sorrow and collect up all the cream... Dr. Zaius: Help me, Obi-Wan Pelosi, you're my only hope!  Poof! Enter the Rich Creamy Goodness of Nancy Pelosi!  Nancy Pelosi: Hello, Dr. Zaius. Dr. Zaius: Oh, Nancy, you came! You have saved me from the Kucinich Zombies!  Nancy Pelosi: Mind you manners. That's Speaker Pelosi to you, Dr. Zaius. Dr. Zaius: Yes, yes, of course! Speaker Pelosi! I got just caught up in the moment!  Nancy Pelosi: Now listen, Dr. Zaius, representative Kucinich is a member of the House of Representatives, and a candidate for president. Dr. Zaius: Yes, but they started it! I was just minding my own business when...  Nancy Pelosi: Now listen, Dr. Zaius, I don't want to hear any of that! Dennis Kucinich and his supporters deserve the same respect that you would show any other member of the Democrtic Party. Dr. Zaius: Yes, but...  Nancy Pelosi: We all have to work together as a team! It is important to respect what the other members of the team feel. Dr. Zaius: Yes, but... Nancy Pelosi: You have to be nice to the other kids, and don't say things that are mean and spiteful. Just try to get along. Dr. Zaius: Yes, Speaker Pelosi...  Nancy Pelosi: Now that wasn't so hard, was it? Dr. Zaius: Um... Nancy Pelosi: Yes. Dr. Zaius? Dr. Zaius: If Kucinich is so great, how come you passed him over for chairman of the National Security and Foreign Affairs Subcommittee, even though he was next in line to take over the position?  Nancy Pelosi: Ha! Put that grandstanding little half-witted pollyanna in charge of the National Security and Foreign Affairs Subcommittee? Not bloody likely! Nancy Pelosi: I wouldn't put that man in charge of the vending machines in the commissary! Why, Kucinich couldn't find his own ass with both hands and a road map! Dr. Zaius: I knew it! I knew it!  Alarm Clock: Ring! Ring! Ring!  Dr. Zaius: Gosh! It was all a dream!  Dr. Zaius: (narrating) But to my utter astonishment, there on the nightstand was a...  ...A Kucinch Zombie Fez!  |